


Nostalgia

by sakuraclouds



Category: No. 6 - Asano Atsuko
Genre: Attempted Sexual Assault, Depression, Drunk Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Excessive Drinking, Five Years Later, Flash Forward, Gang Violence, Heavy Angst, Longing, M/M, New People, Non-Consensual Kissing, Possible Character Death, References to Illness, Romance, Sexual Tension, Tragedy, Unrequited Love, a lot of crying, im sorry, may be triggering, some fucked up shit ??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-10
Updated: 2016-06-24
Packaged: 2018-05-25 10:36:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6191725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakuraclouds/pseuds/sakuraclouds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had been five years since the fall of the walls surrounding the city of No.6. Shion had been working hard for the sake of the city to build the brighter future he began to dream about. During this time, Shion had been caught in many stressful and confusing situations, many of them resulted from work, many more involved the fellowship between him and a person from work. Now, lately Shion's mind has been full of thoughts about Nezumi, feeling his presence is near, his heart pursues him. Conflicted and lonely, Shion tries his best to cope with his emotionally draining life and his growing weakness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The sky parted, opening its vast self and revealing the crimson sun hidden within it. Dwelling clouds painted a rosy pink delicately spread over the sky like butter, smooth and creamy, mixing into the golden atmosphere. The chilling evening wind blew through the trees, scattering their leaves into the air. A young man stood in the sky high above the city, surrounded by the brilliant evening colors. He watched the leaves free from the trees and float in the breeze; his long, milky white hair flowing behind him and brushing his face. He watched the leaves dance. They waltzed and twirled. Flying through the sky, they span around him. Their speed quickening, he marveled at their multiplying. The leaves flew faster, swirling around his body with fury, swarming. The wind whistled in his ears. A voice spoke. He listened closely. It whispered his name. He closed his eyes and listened to the voice that sounded so strikingly familiar. His heartbeat quickened. *SLAM* Shion jolted and looked away from the window, his tall co-worker was standing before him. His eyes fell down to the giant stack of files placed over the work on his desk. 

"Shion, when will you stop that daydreaming? Look at all this work you're behind on - oi! Shion are you listening to me?"

"A-ah yes! Sorry, sorry, I'll take care of this right now!"

 The caught off guard man reached for the stack of folders and fumbled around frantically. He grabbed a folder from the top of the stack and flipped through the loose papers. The man standing before the desk watched his flustered higher-up and sighed, scratching the side of his neck.

 "Geez, you know, you won't be able to get all of this finished on your own by Thursday." 

 Shion froze and suddenly looked up to the older man, who then raised his eyebrows. He remembered, today was Tuesday. It really seemed like there was no way he could finish all of this on his own in that time. He looked over his desk and bit his lip.

  _How did it get to this point?_

 He scratched the scar on his cheek and grabbed two more files from the stack. 

 "I guess I have no choice but to leave a little later than usual today." 

 He mumbled as if speaking only to himself. He replaced his glasses and focused his eyes on the words that laced over each page. It was summer, and the office was hot since their a/c broke down last week. Five years have passed since the fall of No. 6 and many changes have occurred in the surrounding area as well as a few changes in the appearance of the, now, young man, Shion. His snowy hair was past his shoulders now, but it's silky texture was still present. He always either kept it tied up or pinned it back. Over the years, his brilliant ruby eyes grew weak and sensitive. Contacts were out of the question, so he was constantly tucking up glasses. The reason was unknown to the people he knew, maybe it was that he felt he looked like less of an airhead wearing them. He was a man now, somewhat taller than a few years back, a subtle difference but the change had given him more confidence in himself. Shion had remained positive and let himself grow. The man standing over him sighed once more and turned around to leave to return to his own work. 

 "Oh, wait! Tanaka-san, before you go, could you make me a copy of this? - oh, and two more of these?"

 Shion requested with a gentle smile before his coworker took a step away. He raised up the documents and gestured them towards him, Tanaka sighed and took them from him then briskly walked out of the office room. All Shion had to do was give that innocent smile and he'd won over the entire office.  

 

—————————

  

The sun began to slowly nuzzle itself behind the mountains and the vast sky was now slowly fading into a sea blue. His work was still incomplete and the office was emptying. Every now and then Tanaka would come check up on him to make sure he wasn't slacking off and offer to lend him a hand if he needed. Tanaka found that lately, it hasn't been necessary, that was what Shion would say anyway. Being a member of the re-structural committee added a lot of pressure on him. Tanaka noticed Shion had been spacing out unusually often after the mark of half a decade since the fall of the walls surrounding the city. Over the years of working together, they've gotten quite close. A few meals and drinks every now and then and a confession to which was kindly turned down. Shion made it clear that his work was what he wanted to focus on and that he didn't want anything more than what they already had. Tanaka was determined though, always trying to catch Shion alone in the break room to catch up on what's on his mind. Truth was, he was head over heals for the younger man, though, knowing this, Shion wasn't uncomfortable. He accepted his feelings and continued to treat him with the same kindness, and Tanaka cherished it. Expecting his love for the man to be found disgusting, he had built up a lot of courage. He was let down but in such a way that caused him to feel his slim chance of gaining his love grow a bit wider even still. He grew devoted to the belief he could earn Shion's love.

This work had everyone on edge, everyone except Shion, though usually dissolved in his assignments, he seemed to have his mind elsewhere. Finding himself gazing out the window beside his seat on the 5th floor of the environmental research office building of the new and refined city of No. 6. Constantly wondering of the wind, feeling as though something was nearing. He once again glanced out the window, seeing as the sky was fading, and hoping for that something to come. 

 

—————————

 

"G-good work today!"

 A passing female employee shyly spoke out as Tanaka made his way through the office. He was on his way to once again check up on the albino in the next room. He looked towards her direction, seeing as she timidly looked away and stared at the paperwork in her arms. 

 "Yeah, you too, it's going to get dark soon, you best head home quickly." 

 He spoke with consideration. Megumi was the offices little sweetheart. She was a hard worker but very shy. Her first day was no longer than 3 months ago, and she seemed to have settled in alright. Always offering her homemade sweet dumplings to the employees in the break room and trying to keep on everyone's good side. Tanaka was considered as the offices scariest, his tough looking appearance made him difficult to approach. He's a tall man, with defined masculine features and a stern voice that shook the office room when they would hit their deadline. Though that would never stop Megumi from kindly offering him her help with his work, only to be turned away with a gentle appreciative tone. Tanaka has an intimidating front but he has a gentle heart. Though the rest of the office was afraid to get in his way, Megumi watched him when she had the free time to do so. One overheard compliment of a new hairpin and gossip flew fast. They were the most popular topic of last month. The cute new girl and the scary telephone pole. 

 "Ah- um- yes.."

 The timid girl tapped the tip of her shoe on the ground behind her and pushed up her red glasses awkwardly. She spun around on her heel, her long emerald hair flowing behind her. He watched her leave, and the office was finally empty. 

 "Hey, Shion, how much have you gotten done? I'll help you finish for today."

 Tanaka spoke as he walked into the empty office room. Shion looked up from his work and took off his lenses, rubbing his eyes and leaning back in his chair. At one point he took out his hairpin that held back his overgrown bangs. His co worker walked over to his desk and took a look at the paperwork scattered over his desk. Shion sighed and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand and loosened his necktie. 

 "It feels as though summer gets hotter and hotter every year.. – phew!" 

 Shion said with a smile, he closed his eyes and leaned his head back, tugging on his shirt to cool off his chest. Tanaka watched his movements, his ivory skin tainted gold by the light from his desk lamp. His collarbone peeked out from underneath his unbuttoned shirt. He sighed again and replaced his glasses, taking a glance at his co worker's face noticing as he didn't say anything. Tanaka swallowed and cleared his throat, looking back at the paperwork on his desk.

 "Ah, yeah. It's almost unbearable."

 He said with a chuckle, furrowing his brow. Shion studied his face then looked back at his work. It was getting late, and he still needed to pick up groceries. He stood up from his chair and stretched his arms above his head. 

 "Hahh - I'll finish the rest tomorrow"

 He sighed and grabbed his papers, tapping them on desk to straighten them out and putting them back down with a smack. 

 "It looks like you've gotten a lot done, you always manage to finish just before the deadline." 

 "Yeah, I don't know how I manage, but I tend to surprise myself sometimes."

 Shion said with a chuckle as he reached down for his satchel and placed the strap on his shoulder. The two of them alone in the quiet office room made them both awkwardly stiff. 

 "Well.. I better get going.. Thank you for your help today, I really needed it!"

 Shion said smiling, trying to clear the air. Tanaka watched as he collected his things and turned off his desk lamp. He backed away to give him space to walk past him, and watched him as he walked. Shion tucked his long bangs behind his ear and pulled out his phone, checking his messages though there weren't any to be checked. 

 "Wait.. Shion."

 Tanaka called out after him before he left the office room. He adjusted and fumbled with the strap of his bag resting on his shoulder. Shion turned around curiously, also wondering why he wasn't already following in suit. The tall man took slow, insecure steps over to Shion’s figure and covered his palm over the side of his neck. 

 "If it's not too late.. do you want to go grab a drink together?"

 Though he had asked the man many times before, he gets nervous every time. Shion smiled and shut his phone then put it in his bag. 

 "Yeah sure! - But hey, listen, I'm buying this time. You've paid for me all those times before!"

 Shion smiled widely. Oh how Tanaka loved that innocent smile. 

  

—————————

  

They decided on the steak house beside the bar that had just opened up a couple months back, deciding they wanted a more quiet place to catch up and talk about work. Shion's cheeks were beginning to look a bit flushed. He has been wondering about the younger lately, noticing he seemed to be a bit off. The Shion he knew at work was a very hard worker, but lately he has been trailing away from his assignments. Tanaka didn't know how to address this, he decided to not bring it up. They both laughed and Shion's giggle caused Tanaka to blush. Shion really was the most charming man Tanaka has ever known. 

The full night had come and they had been talking for quite a while. Even if they were about frivolous things, Tanaka treasured every conversation they had, desiring to know more about the man he adored. Shion gulped down another cup of sake, placing it down on the table with a clank and a hot exhale.  

"O-oi Shion, maybe you've had a enough.." 

Tanaka chuckled halfheartedly and moved the bottle away from his reaching hands. Shion looked at him and pursed his lips. 

"It's been a rough day - tsk, geez, you're no fun." 

He puffed his cheeks and pointed across the table, his face was flushed and his movements were off. His co-worker sighed and placed his elbow on the table and rested his cheek on his palm. He was slightly drunk, having a higher tolerance than the small male sitting across from him, it would take a bit more to get him fully intoxicated. He looked at his watch and remembered that they both had work the next morning. He sat up and grabbed his bag. Shion watched him and shuffled in his seat.

"No.. We're not leaving now are we?"

Shion said woozily, he focused his eyes onto his co-workers and pleaded. Tanaka placed the pay on the table and gently lifted the young man by the arm and helped him to his feet. He really couldn't handle his alcohol, he had thought. They stepped out of the steakhouse, the cool summer night air chilling their heated skin. 

"Thank you for coming!" 

An employee spoke out after them. 

"You know, you should really watch how much you drink, you may regret this tomorrow."

Tanaka spoke with concern. Shion leaned on him as they walked through the neighborhood lit by street lamps. He looked around, his eyes trying to focus, some time during the night he had taken off his glasses, but he couldn't remember when. He patted his shirt pocket and furrowed his brow. 

"My glasses.. Wait- where are we?" 

He studied as best he could around him and looked towards his co-worker who had his arm around his waist. 

"I'm taking you back to my place, you missed the last bus and you're too drunk for your own good.. Man, you really didn't hold back."

Shion stumbled and slurred some nonsense about mice and pastries that the older man made no sense out of. They finally reached his house and Shion stepped in with a clutter, nearly falling over as he took off his shoes in the entrance. 

"I'm coming in ~"

The young man slurred and skipped his way inside to be distracted by some old picture frames hanging up beside a coat rack. He looked at a plaque hanging from the wall and then spoke about an award he had won for a research paper he wrote in school. He chuckled and said that he couldn't remember what the topic of it was. Tanaka helped him through the house, not bothering to turn on any lights. He walked them into another room and laid out two futons for the both of them. Shion awkwardly stood and gawked at everything inside his coworkers room, he had never been to his house before. The taller man sat them down and scratched his head as the albino fwumped down on his back and smiled up at him. 

"You're so kind Tanaka-san.." 

Shion said as he reached his hand up and caressed the older man's cheek, his soft fingertips touched his flushed cheek gently. Tanaka stared into Shion's ruby eyes as they began to droop. Shion's gentle smile began to fade and he closed his eyes. Adjusting himself on the futon below, he reached for his necktie and gave it a tug with little effort. 

"Nn.. hot.."

Shion mumbled and looked away. He pulled at the fabric of his shirt and fumbled with his buttons. Realization struck the other man and he shortly questioned his next action. The heat got to his head. 

"Here, let me help you.." 

He offered calmly as his shaking fingers reached for the hem of his shirt and lifted it up. Shion sat up, practically startling the other. He lifted his arms up a bit and allowed the fabric to slide up, sticking to his heated body partly halfway. Tanaka tried not to examine the naked torso before him so obviously, he swallowed and tried to remain composed. His pale skin was illuminated by the moonlight shining through the window. He was thin, and his ribs were defined, he clearly wasn't getting much to eat. He slipped the shirt over his head and off completely. His long silky hair fell down to his shoulders, grazing his pink tinted cheeks. Tanaka looked down at Shion's body, noticing the rosy-pink scar that coiled around him like a snake. He wondered, what could have caused something like this to appear. "... Thank you." Tanaka looked back up to Shion's face upon hearing his relief. Shion watched Tanaka's eyes, he could see him clearly now, as their faces were close. The older man gazed at the younger man's lips, growing curious of how they would feel pressed against his own. He leaned in closer, and Shion stayed still, watching, as if waiting for the next move. Tanaka's eyes began to lid and it became clear to him what his body began to want. He caressed Shion's cheek with his warm palm, sliding his thumb gently over the scar along his cheek. Shion listened as his name was whispered and felt a trembled exhale touch his lips. A nostalgic feeling rushed through him.  

"..Tanaka.. san.."

Shion spoke lowly before Tanaka placed his lips over his. He kissed his lips soflty, pulling away slightly to rest his forehead against his. Tanaka paused a moment, trying to hold himself back but looking into those ruby eyes just made him want more. Shion blinked and studied Tanaka's face, noticing him glance down at his lips and back into eyes. Shion felt his co-worker's hands place themselves on his waist and pull him in closer; replacing their lips.

_This is.._

Tanaka kissed him slowly and soon felt delicate hands caress his cheeks.

_Nice..._

He laced his fingers into the Shion's silky, white locks and pressed him closer, kissing him harder.

_Familiar..._

Shion hummed into the kiss and slid his arms around his strong neck. He opened his mouth slightly and felt Tanaka's smooth tongue slide across his lips and desperate teeth lightly bite down upon his bottom lip.

_What is this feeling... ?_

He exhaled shakily, his strength draining. He leaned back and allowed Tanaka to lay himself back down onto the futon. Tanaka swallowed and looked over Shion's body; his hands hovered over his light skin hesitantly for a moment. Shion's cheeks were flushed pink, his eyes looked away.

_He's staring... I feel a little.. Weird..._

Tanaka's hands carefully touched Shion's cooled chest. His fingertips found Shion's small nipple, causing him to flinch. Tanaka teased the hardening skin with his thumb. Shion gasped at the sensation and arched his back a little. The older man swallowed and trailed his lips down Shion's neck to his collarbone. Shion gaped his mouth and started to pant as Tanaka placed his lips to his chest, kissing the sensitive skin around his nipple. His hands grabbed at the fabric of his co-workers shirt, pulling it at, needing something to grip onto. Tanaka took his gesture and unbuttoned his shirt, slipping it off quickly and replacing his lips to his chest. His tongue swirled around his nipple, kissing and sucking on it sweetly as his fingers played with the other. Shion's pants fueled him on, his head in a muddle and his actions becoming difficult to control. Strong, wanting hands wandered down and grazed between Shion's legs. Shion was still a virgin and his sensitive body became needy from only just this. He whimpered and subtlety rolled his hips up for more, and that was all he had to do for Tanaka to lose all control. He sat up on his knees and grabbed at Shion's belt, the clanking of his buckle echoed throughout the room. Shion hummed and rolled his head to the side, the back of his palm touching his lips. He mumbled and squeaked when his hips were lifted off the ground. The older man slipped his work pants off and threw them aside. Staring down at the body below him. Shion's virgin skin was sensitive to the touch as he gasped and hummed softly when a hand once again grazed over his front. Tanaka was done for, the man looked irresistible. 

Tanaka quickly slipped off the last piece of fabric remaining on Shion's body and leaned over him. He kissed the scar on his cheek and Shion turned to look at him. His ruby eyes lidded and glossy, looking as though he had something to say. Tanaka kissed his lips again, a soft muffled moan reaching his ears when he grasped the younger man's growing need. He slowly pumped him, his member gradually becoming harder. Shion didn't know why this was happening but couldn't bring himself to question it. His body felt hot and his head felt heavy. He arched his back and gripped the sheets beside his head, moaning and panting as Tanaka moved his hand faster. Their lips uncoordinatedly met once again, an almost one sided kiss as Shion gaped his mouth with pleasure. He sighed weakly and turned his head away. Tanaka pumped faster and tucked his head into Shion’s shoulder, kissing and biting at his sensitive skin. Shion began to feel himself near his release and the older man knew it as he felt him tense up even more. He ceased his movements and then moved slowly. Grazing the sensitive skin as slowly as his shaking hands would let him. The sudden halt made Shion shiver. He clenched his jaw and lightly bucked his hips up, moaning as he received slightly more of the, now, much desired friction. Tanaka stroked him painfully slow and kept watch of the expressions on his face. Shion whimpered and tilted his head back, gaping his mouth. Tanaka took this opportunity to claim his exposed neck. He suckled on the tight skin and scraped his teeth up its length. Tanaka suddenly moved his hand faster again and Shion writhed underneath him. He couldn't handle it any longer. He was pushed to his limit. Shion cried, his voice pitching and toes curling. Tanaka whispered the man’s name against his lips and pumped faster and faster. He couldn't believe this was happening, he didn't want to stop. Shion's body looked so erotic, Tanaka thought his head would burst from the heat. Shion's moans were loud, high and uncontrolled, they echoed through the house. His back arched as he reached his orgasm with a broken cry. His pent up warmth spurted over his stomach, he gasped and shivered. Shion's chest heaved as the warmth left him, allowing him to recover. Shion's brows pushed together as a clear thought passed through his mind. 

 _Why is this happening?_  

Once again the clanking of a belt buckle filled the silent room. Shion opened his heavy eyes and looked between his legs. Tanaka sat up on his knees and began to stroke himself, looking down at the mess he made of the man below. His member hot and beginning to drip, he bit his lip and looked into Shion's lidded eyes. Shion's silky strands stuck to his heated face and his legs were carelessly spread open exposing his naked body to be devoured by hazel lust filled eyes. It was hot in the house and their bodies were gleaming with sweat, radiating heat off of their skin. Shion squinted at Tanaka's blurry figure, wishing he had his glasses on.

"Ta-Tanaka-san.. "

 Shion hummed between pants as he began to close his eyes again, feeling as though he was in a dream. It wasn't until he felt something cool touch between his cheeks that he jolted in surprise. Something prodded their way inside, the feeling so wet and strange he sat up with displeasure. 

"Ta- .. Wha-t ?" 

He questioned as best he could and slumped back down, his numb body made sitting up difficult. Tanaka reached over and caressed Shion’s hot face, tucking a few strands of hair behind his ear. Feeling unsettled, the young man’s chest began to heave in a panic.

"It's okay Shion, try to relax.." 

Tanaka tried to reassure the young man, hoping they wouldn't stop here. He pushed his fingers inside, slick from his own cum. They slid in with slight difficulty and Shion groaned in discomfort. He was tight, and the thought alone of putting his member inside was making preparations seem more and more unnecessary. He spread his two fingers apart as much as he could, scissoring and stretching the man. Shion jolted and moaned with surprise when a spot deep inside him was rubbed. He felt something he had never felt before. Tanaka watched his every reaction, not wanting to hurt the younger man. He curled his fingers and grazed that spot once again, causing Shion to gasp. Tanaka looked down at his hand then slid in a third finger. Shion winced and placed his hands over his face. He whimpered from the unfamiliar pain.

"... This is.. what is this..?"

Tanaka looked to Shion who hid his face behind his hands.

"Shion.. does it hurt?"

He questioned, worried Shion was uncomfortable with what he was doing. Shion's hands covered his mouth, his eyes remained closed.

"... I.. I'm fine.."

He spoke in a muffled voice. Tanaka began to move his fingers slowly, rubbing the inside of him sensually. Shion uncovered mouth and ran his fingers through his white hair, gripping onto it as the many sensations flooded him. He let out a soft moan and turned his head away.

"Do you want me to stop..?"

Tanaka asked in a low voice, hoping he wouldn't say yes. Shion's face appeared pained but his pleasure filled voice seemed to contradict that he was uncomfortable. In that moment, Shion couldn't tell whether what was happening was good or bad.

"... I.. I don't know."

Shion said with slight struggle as Tanaka continued to smoothly prepare him. He exhaled and decided it was enough. He pulled his fingers out and lifted Shion’s hips, positioning himself at his softened entrance. Shion laid still and tried to open his eyes, but the alcohol was taking its full effect on his body. He was hot, dizzy, and feeling numb, though when Tanaka began to force himself inside, Shion's senses reawakened. 

"Ahh!.."

His voice cracked as he cried out in pain. Tanaka flinched as he felt Shion tighten around him, he paused a moment to let him adjust before he pushed in a little further. Shion gripped the sheets and rolled his head back, not coping well with the stuffed feeling. His pained voice caused heartache for the older man. Tanaka lowered himself down and kissed Shion’s cheek, continuing to force his way in. A hot tear streamed down the side of his face, wetting strands of white hair.

“Nn.. no.. it’s painful.. ”

Tanaka closed his eyes and felt the man hiccup as he began to cry. His chest tightened.

"Shion.." 

He spoke huskily against his ear. 

 

——————————

  

Shion opened his eyes, his sense lost and ears filled with the noises of sex. He stared at the ceiling, his lower body pained and breathing harsh. He was pushed into the floor, his body being thrusted into. His ears rang and he tried to think of something other than the pain. His mind went back to the images that stained his heart, the feelings he couldn't shake, times his heart yearned to go back to. He focused hard and watched as the ceiling began to change, his surroundings beginning to mold into those of an old memory. He closed his eyes, the pain slowly becoming numb and a different sensation beginning to flood through him. His body trembled, and then he remembered.

_That dusty underground room filled with books_

He exhaled.

_The old spring bed._

He inhaled.

_Those silver eyes._

He focused hard.

_Nezumi._

Shion moaned as the man’s image rushed through his mind. His body instantly getting hotter, he dug his nails into his palms. Fingers laced through his own and pressed his hand into the floor.

_Nezumi's hands._

He remembered those calloused hands. His lips were taken and he remembered those soft lips.

_Nezumi's lips._

His voice pitched and his legs wrapped themselves around the torso above. He was pushed deeper. He jolted and cried, pleasure peeking and driving him close to the edge. Tears streamed down his cheeks, he dug his nails into the man’s back. He looked into his eyes and saw those silver eyes.

_Nezumi's eyes_

He kissed him and felt those soft lips. He wanted to say his name but he couldn't put the letters together on his tongue. He arched his back, his body being pounded into harder, faster, and deeper. He heard his name being repeated into his ears in a husky voice.

_Nezumi's voice._

That sensitive spot inside him being struck, he whimpered and cried. His body was taken away with intense pleasure. His name, his heart pounded, he remembered how to say it, he screamed it.

  

——————————

  

The morning air was cool, a breeze blew through the open window. A gentle ring of a wind chime hanging outside and ruby eyes slowly opened. They closed for another moment before opening again. His head felt dizzy, he sat up and placed his head in his hands and sighed. His body ached. He looked up and glanced around. He was alone. In a room not very familiar to him. He looked down at himself. He was naked. He lifted the thin sheet that covered him. Very naked. 

_What happened..?_

His squinting eyes looked around, spotting his glasses folded up on the floor beside the pillow he was laying his head on. He picked them up and put them on without hesitation. Looking beside him, he saw his clothes folded up in a neat stack. He picked up his boxers and tried to get up, only to stagger and fall back down with a thump. 

"Ow.. " 

He winced and decided to put them on sitting down. He jumped when the door suddenly slid open. Tanaka stood in the frame, already dressed for the day.

_Oh, that's right, I'm in Tanaka's home._

Shion felt relieved to see his friend. He sighed and gave him a small smile, but Tanaka didn't smile back like the gentle man usually would. His eyes were filled with guilt and longing. Shion’s grin began to fade and his eyebrows pushed together. Memories from last night began to play through his mind. He rubbed his back and looked down at his lap, pain striking him like a thousand needles. He covered his mouth and stood up. His legs were weak and his head pounded. Tanaka swiftly grabbed his arm to help him before he fell over. Shion slapped it away and fell to his hands and knees. He trembled, his sore body made it difficult to move. 

"Shion.. I .." 

Tanaka began. Shion looked up at him and the man froze, he looked hurt, his ruby eyes glistened. He waited for him to finish what he was going to say, wanting some sort of an explanation. Tanaka swallowed and clenched his jaw. Shion looked away, his gaze turning towards the messy futon beneath him.

“I.. We..  I see.. that happened..”

He was shocked, he felt betrayed. He felt violated. He remained silent as he tried to remember everything that happened.

_We went out for drinks after work; I talked to him about climate change... I missed the last bus then we came here and then.. after that.._

Shion sniffled and rubbed his eyes messily. He had been taken advantage of. He tried to calm himself. He sniffled again and weakly got to his feet.

"What time is it?"

He questioned calmly with a sigh. He ruffled his messy hair and staggered. His coworker gave a questioning look before looking at his watch. 

"Ah, um– It's.. 6:47– wait, Shion.."

Shion winced as he leaned over to pick up his shirt from the stack of clothing, and grunted weakly as he reached his arms through it's sleeves. Tanaka looked down and rubbed his mouth with his palm. He leaned towards the young male and stammered. His awkward self wasn't anything new to Shion. He found that he was always most nervous around him. He slipped his pants on and exhaled.

 _We were both drinking, we kissed and just got carried away. He was drunk also right? This was just an accident really._  

He was sure that he felt bad about what happened. 

_We can still be friends.. right?_

He buckled his belt and looked at Tanaka's contrite face. The air was stiff in the silent room. 

"Tanaka-san.. You know.. it's alright that this happened. I mean, we were both drunk, and we just got carried away.. Right?"  

Tanaka looked up and frowned. This man was so drunk he doesn’t remember completely. Thinking back on last night, it really had been one sided. He really did take advantage of Shion’s vulnerability. He was the one who got carried away and lost himself, and he felt terrible for it. Shion stepped closer and tilted his head, trying to get the man to look at him. Tanaka finally looked him in the eye and Shion gave him a gentle smile.

"Shion.. I.. " 

Tanaka wore an expression that Shion had never seen before. He watched the man's face, noticing his jaw clenching and his eyes flickering.

"I'm so sorry.. I hurt you.. I never wanted to."

The pain in Shion's body didn't seem to compare to the pain he felt in his heart. He straightened up and swallowed down his emotions. He gave Tanaka another smile. Tanaka's heart squeezed, he reached for Shion's hand. The smaller man's stomach jumped as his hand was held in the warm palm of the man standing before him. Tanaka placed his other hand over the top of Shion's, caressing it gently. His serious, hazel eyes were staring directly into those beautiful, scarlet ones.

"Shion, I'm serious. I never wanted to cause you pain.. I.. I lost myself.. because I.. I just.. I love you so much and everything about you.. everything you do makes me feel like.." 

Tanaka spoke from his heart, pausing a moment to breathe. Shion's mouth gaped slightly as his face relaxed. Tanaka searched Shion's eyes.

_He.._

"I feel like I never want to let you go." 

_He really loves me.._

 

—————————

  

\- During that same night - 

The sounds of glasses clinking and chattering of people filled the bar that night, much like every night since it’s opening a couple months back. A woman sat alone at the bar after a long day at work. Her pencil skirt raised up to her thighs as she sat on the stool crossing her long bony legs. She had taken her hair out of its bun sometime earlier that night. Her long brunette curls laid across her back, inviting in lonesome men to make a move with their overused pick up lines only to be turned away. She tapped her fingernail on the counter and raised her empty glass at the bartender, gesturing for a refill. She watched as the bartender refilled her cup with her desired liquor for that night. 

"Make that two, put it on my tab."

A man sitting a seat away from the young woman spoke out. She looked over at the man with slight surprise, not noticing his presence before. He rested his elbows on the counter and watched as the bartender poured the selected poison in his awaiting chalice. His eyes peering over at the woman looking at him. She stared, his eyes holding a smirk within them. An unusual color they were. They shined in the low lighting of the bar. A color so brilliant, thrilling her unknown desires. He blinked slowly, his stormy silver eyes enchanting her.

 

————————

  

Shion briskly walked through the office hall, shuffling through a folder of documents and putting freshly made copies inside. It was the following day and the sun was high in the sky blazing down on the rebuilding utopia. The office was hot since they didn't want to spend extra money on running the a/c on high. Fans were scattered throughout the work place, occasionally scattering documents from desks to be chased after. His eyes adverted from his path when he almost dropped a sheet, catching it between his knees. He sighed with relief and reached down to grab the sheet. He looked up quickly, his gaze crashing into hazel eyes. Tanaka stood in front of him, making his way to the copy machine. Shion scratched the back if his head and chuckled, expecting some sort of comment on his clutter. The older man looked away and walked past him without a word. Shion blinked, his eyes following the man's figure, staring at his broad shoulders sway as he walked. Shion felt sure that his eyes looked different than usual.

 

_________________

  

The evening had come and the sun was starting to make its way down. Shion was at his desk typing up an information sheet on his portable laptop. He tapped extra hard on a sticky key and sighed. He glanced at his watch and took off his glasses, giving his aching eyes a good rub. He leaned back in his chair and looked out the window. The sky looked dull and the wind was stronger than usual. The tall trees outside the building swayed and their leaves rustled. He stood up and walked from away from his desk heading to the break room. Megumi and another woman were already in the room sitting down, chatting and eating from their small packed bentos. He opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of iced tea he had placed in there that morning.  

"Haa~ ohh, Megumi-chan.. I was swept off my feet the moment he stared into my eyes.." 

"Uwah~ sounds like a dream.. ah– Did you ever get his name?" 

Megumi smiled and questioned with a tilt of her head. The lady furrowed her brow as if trying to remember. They didn't bother to ask for each other's names. She chuckled and shrugged. Shion took a gulp from his bottle and glanced at the women sitting down, listening to their conversation.  

"I don't think I'll ever be able to forget those unique eyes of his though.."

She leaned over the table and gazed ahead in a daze. Shion's ears perked.

_Unique eyes.._

 Megumi smiled shyly and glanced away, looking back to the young man. The woman looked down at her half eaten bento box and then to Shion as well. Shion turned his head with sudden embarrassment, and pretended he wasn't eavesdropping. The lady grinned at Shion's innocence, and tilted her head into her shoulder. 

 "Now I know two handsome men with peculiar looks."

Shion turned to her and blinked.

_Peculiar?_

 Curiosity now filled him to the brim.

"Just.. Just what color were his eyes..?"

Shion asked with an unintended pitch in his voice. With his nerves starting to tingle, he cleared his throat and shifted in his position. The woman smirked before she spoke.

"He had silver eyes."

*Thump*

Shion's eyes fluttered, he took a step back into the counter behind him. He placed a palm on the edge to catch his balance and his chest began to feel tight. 

_Silver eyes.._

*Thump thump*

Shion exhaled and looked at the ground.

_He’s finally back.._

He smiled to himself.

“Shion-san..?”

Shion looked up at the two women staring at him. He stood up straight and adjusted his glasses.

“That is peculiar.”

He said with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Give me some feedback!
> 
> I will post the next chapter soon!


	2. Chapter 2

The sky was a sea blue that night Shion walked home from work. He had finished all of his paper work and had planned to go straight home to shower and relax. He flipped his phone open and checked his messages, noticing an unopened message from his mother. Shion read what the message said. A couple times each month, Karen would ring up Shion to check up on how he's doing.

(When is the next time you are going to visit me? Your mother is missing you. Please tell me you're getting enough to eat.)

He chewed on the inside of his cheek and tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear. He began to type in his response.

(I miss you too mom, I'm doing fine. I'll come visit you the next day I won't need to come into the office, this Saturday.)

His thumb hovered over the send button. His stomach began to growl ferociously. He sighed.

_I still need to pick up groceries.._

Shion had been so busy with work he hadn't made time to properly feed himself. During his breaks at work he would refuel with coffee or tea and occasionally a snack from the vending machine in the break room. His stomach growled again, he covered it with his arm and pressed send. He was just two blocks away from home when he decided to turn around and head back into town.

 

It was close to midnight, Shion had made it into the market a moment before it had closed. He walked silently down the street, nearly almost there to his awaiting home. He carried two bags in each hand, each heavily filled with pre-made meals, rice and vegetables he somewhat knew how to cook. He looked at the ground as he walked slowly with exhaustion. He sighed for the 13th time since he had left work. He counted another cricket that had crossed his path.

_26.._

His eyes trailed from the ground to the sky. The night sky was clear but only a few stars shined, the many of them diminished by the lights from the city. Shion's arms felt tired from the unusually heavy bags of groceries. He adjusted his grip on the straps and walked a little faster, wanting to get home soon. A cool breeze touched his skin and pushed the loose hair out of his face. He closed his eyes and inhaled. He had just one more day of work before his day off, but his body felt like it wouldn't be able to wait that long.

_Why does it feel as though time is going by so slowly.._

He sighed again and looked ahead of him and in that moment, time had really felt like it was moving in slow motion as a body walked past him in the opposite direction. He hadn't noticed anyone else on the street. He turned his head and looked into the eyes of the person who mysteriously appeared as they walked past one another. They stared back at him, their eyes shined in the light of the street lamp. In that slow moment, Shion had only seen those eyes.

_Huh?_

Shion blinked and looked away as they left his sight. The person's image lingered in his mind. They wore an expressionless face and had short hair that blended with the night sky. Bright eyes of a gloomy color. A feeling of nostalgia danced through his heart and tugged on its strings. His body immediately turned around so he could look back at the mysterious person who he felt he knew. He had thought that maybe he was just seeing things because he was tired but he felt sure that those eyes were silver. He spun around, hoping to catch their image again, only to notice that there was no one there. He looked around him, he was alone.

_That was.._

He stood still and felt a cool breeze once again kiss his skin. He blinked and slowly turned around. He felt strange.

_Really strange.._

Finally he had made it to his calm home, his mind still wondering of what he had experienced. He had turned on the light in his kitchen and put away his small stock of food. He closed the fridge door, his hand still holding onto the handle as his body paused a moment when he saw those eyes once again flash through his mind.

_Those eyes.. I wonder, if that was him.. No, he wouldn't disappear like some kind of ghost. I had imagined him.. But, he looked a little different. How could I know how he appears now if I haven't seen him in 5 years..? Now this doesn't make any sense at all!_

He gripped hard onto the handle of the fridge.

_Why would he just suddenly appear and then disappear like that?? It was a ghost, of course that would be the first conclusion. My imagination.. Its possible I was simply just seeing things, though I wasn't expecting to.. I was.._

_S_ hion released his grip and his arm fell down to meet his side, coming to terms with his inner desire.

_I'm hoping to.. So much that my mind created an image of him..?_

He bit his lip and looked at the clock on the wall above the doorway, it was half past midnight. He rubbed his tired eyes and turned around, flipping the kitchen light switch off and making his way to the washroom. He felt too tired to eat.

_I really need a hot shower._

He quietly walked up to the closed door and opened it. He flipped on the light and shut the door behind him.

_Maybe it really was him though? It's.. possible._

He turned on the water and began to undress himself.

_But then again.. Agh! Shion stop your silly thoughts! It was your mind playing tricks on you._

He ruffled his hair and slipped off his pants and shirt followed by his underwear. He put his hand under the, now, heated up water proceeding to step his entire body under the shower head completely. The warm water felt soothing to his tired skin. It wasn't until the water became hotter that his skin felt uncomfortably sensitive. He winced and held himself, his hand sliding over the spiraled scars on his back and arm. He quickly changed the temperature of the water, keeping it only warm.

_That was painful.. But why?_

He looked at down at himself, noticing his scars were red. He grazed his hand over his scarred skin, it felt itchy.

_Why is my body reacting like this?_

He closed his eyes, he had decided to put it aside. He just wanted to relax. He felt the warm water stream down his body. He leaned his head back under the shower head to dampen his snowy hair. The warm water flowing over his head felt soothing. He reached for his shampoo and squirted a small amount onto his palm and lathered it between in between his hands before placing them to his head. He closed his eyes once again as he washed his hair. He let out another long sigh, lathering his hair slowly as his thoughts went back to those silver eyes.

_Nezumi.. I wonder.. where are you right now?_

He leaned his head back under the water and rinsed out the soapy shampoo from his hair. He held his wet hair in his hands, lacing through it with his fingers as the warm water washed through it. He opened his eyes and looked at his hands.

_What?_

His eyes widened at the sight of a large quantity of his own hair tangled between his fingers.

_What? Why is this happening? What's happening to me?_

The water washed the hair from his hands and onto the floor between his feet. His eyes flickered as his heart thumped. He leaned against the cold, slippery wall of the shower. He shook his head, trying to snap out of whatever feeling attacking him. He slid down to the ground, holding his arms.

_What am I supposed to do?_

His legs felt weak and he didn't resist as they gave out underneath him. He slumped down onto his bottom and hid his head between his arms and knees. He kept his eyes shut, the water still streaming over him. He sniffled and felt his eyes heat up with tears. He felt scared. He quietly sobbed to himself.

_Help me._

 

\-------------------------------------

 

"...ion.. Shion.. Can you hear my voice, Shion? Shion!"

A blinding white space surrounded Shion. He looked around him.

"Who? Who's voice is calling to me?"

He turned around. Far off in the distance was a blurry figure. Shion froze a moment, wondering who that could be.

"Shion, I'm here."

The voice repeated with an echo. Shion took slow steps towards the figure.

_That voice.._

"That sounds like.. Could it be?"

"Yes, it's me."

The voice responded in a whisper close to his ears. His pace quickened as he advanced towards the figure.

_That's his voice calling to me!_

"N-Nezumi..?"

"Shion, I'm here."

"Nezumi!"

He smiled and began to run, the figure was still blurry but it gradually became more visible. They opened their arms, inviting Shion in. He felt himself be pulled in, he reached his arm out.

_It's him, it's really him! He has been calling to me all this time!_

He ran as fast as he could and reached as far as his arm would reach. The man reached his hand out to Shion's.

"Shion.."

"Nezumi.. Nezumi!-"

He could see him clearly now. Their hands touched. Those gentle, rough hands held onto his tightly, the comforting warmth bringing serenity to Shion's mind. He looked just how he remembered him. He lunged himself into Nezumi's arms and clutched onto him, not wanting to ever let go, never again. He buried his face in his chest as tears began to dampen his eyes. He pressed his ear to his chest and listened for the beating of his heart. Searching for that reassurance he was really here.

"Nezumi.. I've missed you so much."

He listened close.

"I know, Shion.."

Nezumi caressed Shion's back, gently stroking his silky hair with his hand. Shion could only hear his echoing voice.

"Why did you leave? I've become so lonely.. I feel like I'm starting to fade away."

He heard a ringing noise. His vision started to fade to black, the sight of his comfort slowly disappearing.

"I'm in your heart Shion. Don't forget about me."

His voice was fading, Shion tried to hold onto his memory within his senses. He wanted this to stay.

"Nezumi.."

Shion lipped but couldn't hear his own voice. Complete silence. Nezumi lifted Shion's chin and looked into his teary eyes. Shion desperately wished he could believe he was really here with him. His heart had won against his unsure doubts of what he felt. He had accepted that his longing, all his feelings, were out of love. He loved him. He loved him so much he felt like nothing else mattered. He wanted him by his side. He missed him. He missed him so much it physically hurt. Nezumi leaned in close to Shion's face. Shion's ears began to fill with the thumping sound of his own heart. Nezumi opened his mouth. *beep beep beep beep* Shion's eyes opened to the sound of his alarm clock sounding at 6 AM that morning. He laid still and watched the ceiling fan spin as his alarm continued to go off. He closed his eyes, feeling a tear trickle down from the outer corner of his eye. He sniffled and lazily reached over to his nightstand and shut his alarm off. He sat up and placed his head in his hands. He began to cry, his head filled with the echo of his voice, repeating over and over again. His heart ached.

_"I'm here."_

He gripped his hair and tightened his jaw.

"Nezumi.. When will you truly appear before me?"

 

\--------------------------------------

 

Shion had made it into work 9 minutes late. He had finally made himself a fulfilling breakfast and felt somewhat ready for what work was going to throw at him. He made his way through the office hall, greeting each of his co-workers with a smile. He walked to his desk and hung his satchel over his chair and sat himself down. He leaned back for a moment to collect himself before he began his work. He turned his head and looked out the window.

_Another day.. Just one more day and then I can breathe._

He sighed and tucked up his glasses. His eyes throbbed. He looked forward. The office room was a clutter and his co workers were scattered everywhere. He looked down at his desk and then to the thin stack of work he had left to finish that day. He bit his lip and dove in.

 

\--------------------------------------

 

Half the day went by and Shion noticed that he hadn't seen Tanaka once. He stared out the window beside his desk, his eyes following a flock of birds flying across the orange sky. He was filling out his final sheet of work. He tapped his pen on his desk and looked forward. Three of his office mates were still desk ridden, he takes notice to Megumi getting up from her seat and walk towards the hall. She looks at him on her way out of the room. 

_I wonder if she knows something.._

Shion tapped his pen to his chin a moment before he swiftly stood up with a clatter. The two other employees looked up from their papers and watched the young man exit the room. Shion walked around the corner and saw Megumi standing in front of the printer, and she noticed him as well. She got pink in the cheeks with surprise.

"Shion-san! He-hello."

_Oops, I spooked her._

"Ah, hello, Megumi-chan."

He smiled awkwardly and gave a small wave as he thought of the words to say.

"Um.. I haven't seen Tanaka around today.. you wouldn't happen to know if he's slacking off somewhere would you?"

He tried to be easy with his tone as he spoke with a gentle expression. Her face tensed up, she looked away from his watching eyes.

"Ah, um, well he came in early this morning and finished some work and then left.. just before you arrived in late."

"Oh, I see.."

He said with a chuckle and scratched the back of his neck. The printer released a sheet and she grabbed it quickly. She looked up at him shyly. Shion blinked at her and took a step back.

"I was curious why I haven't seen him.."

He looked at the printer and then to Megumi. She frowned and looked at him seriously as she pushed up her glasses.

"He didn't look very well.."

Shion blinked at those serious words and looked at his feet. He didn't know what to say.

_It's because of me._

"He works the hardest out of all of us, he really is amazing.. I hope he will be feeling better soon!"

She said with a smile.

"Let's do our best for him!"

She said with enthusiasm as she bowed slightly to him.

"Ah- right, let's do our best."

Shion returned with along with a short bow and watched her as she walked back into the office.

_She really cares for him.._

_Megumi is right.. he does work the hardest out of all of them . . . I . . . I need to give this my all too. I'm supposed to be leading this.. but now,_

_now it feels like I'm falling behind._

_\--------------------------------------_

 

 Shion closed his folder of finished work and data and placed it on the corner of his desk. He replaced his glasses and pushed in his chair, swinging his bag over his shoulder as he swiftly left the office room. He stepped in the elevator and pressed the floor 1 button. The sun was still falling down, its bright rays shined through the windows. He closed his eyes as the blinding light shining through each panel disappeared and reappeared as the elevator dropped down. He felt annoyed. *dong* The elevator chimed and it's doors opened as it reached the ground floor. Shion exhaled and stepped out, he looked around as he walked around to the front of the building. He stopped by the large fountain then reached into his bag and took his phone out. He opened his contacts and scrolled through the few he had, finding Tanaka's number. He clicked on it and hesitated just a second before pressing 'call'.

_No.. we should talk._

He pressed the phone to his ear and listened to the line ring. His heartbeat quickened as it continued to ring. He had felt curious and a little worried. He wanted to know what Tanaka had to say. He acted on impulse, though he wasn't really sure he wanted him to pick up after all. After the fourth ring, there was a beep followed by an answering machine message.

_Is he avoiding me now?_

He shut his phone and shoved it in his bag.

_To think, after saying those things to me, he would avoid me.. doesn't make any sense._

He gripped the strap of his bag. 

_I could use a drink_

He sighed and made up his mind. He stepped hard on the pavement as he advanced towards the cross walk. He felt irritated as he began to think of what Tanaka's true intentions really were.

_Was he really just playing with me? ... no, he's not like that. I suppose he needs some time to himself.._

He took one more step forward and looked to his right. There was the new bar that had opened up last month beside the steak house him and Tanaka went to the other night. He turned to the steak house, remembering sitting across from him. 

_I need a little time as well.._

He sighed and collected himself then looked back at the entrance of the bar and walked forward. Somehow, he had felt a little nervous. He had never been in this place before. He grabbed the door handle and pulled on it, opening the door and taking a step inside. The smell of hard liquor and sweat stung his nose as he advanced inside. He walked to the empty bar, taking a seat close to the end. He adjusted himself on the stool and put his elbows on the counter. He exhaled and looked around him. A low, vibrating piano playing in the back corner. A few other people sat in a booth in silence. 

"What can I get for you?"

Shion turned to face the bartender behind the bar who then smiled. He couldn't think of anything.

"Um.. something strong."

"Hard day?"

Shion looked straight at him and sighed. He couldn't keep in the painful thoughts any longer.

"Everyday."

Shion looked away from him and rested his cheek in his palm.

"Aw, you poor dear.. Hmm.. how about some gin?"

The man said with pity and a grin, as he took out a bottle. Shion watched as he poured it in a crystal glass with ice and then smoothly place the drink in front of him. He looked at it and swallowed, reaching for the seemingly intimidating beverage and pressing the edge of it to his lips. He inhaled the strong aroma and scrunched his nose before taking a long sip.

"Atta boy."

Shion placed his cup down with a hot exhale and then adjusted his glasses as he stared down at the clear fluid.

"I hope things can get better from here on.."

 

\------------

 

The music held a melancholic ring to it. Shion had two and a half drinks and was currently holding his head in his hands, feeling as though he was swaying. The bartender was currently talking to two other people at front end of the bar, the place had gotten busier. Shion lifted his head and looked in front of him and around, observing the chattering men and women. He tuned in and out, paying attention to only a few words spoken from each conversation. He found it hard to think about anything. He rested his arms on the bar counter and looked into the mirror behind the shelves full of glimmering bottles. He watched the reflections of the people behind him. He shifted his position and placed his chin in his left palm. His right hand touched the edge of his glass, he traced it's brim with his finger and watching as a group of men shuffled. His ruby eyes kept forward as they gradually left his view. He lifted his glass and placed it to his lips, his eyes coming in contact with a person in the back. Leaning against the wall with a drink in hand, stood a tall dark appearance. Night-like hair and light, intimidating eyes, creeping a smirk along his mouth. Shion's eyes flickered. He looked down at his drink, not wanting to succumb to his imagination.

_He's not really there._

He took the last gulp down with force. He placed his glass on the counter with a loud clank.

_Stop messing with my head._

He slowly turned around and looked back to see the figure was gone.

_You're not really there._

He frowned and slid off his seat then grabbed his wallet out of his bag. He looked up to the bartender who was already watching him.

"Um, how much do I owe you?"

Shion asked as he tucked his hair behind his ear. The man blinked and then smiled gently.

"On the house dear, you don't have to worry about it."

Shion lowered his brow in annoyance and opened his wallet.

"Sorry, I insist."

He said monotonously as he placed ¥2500 on the counter and looked at his feet as he bowed.

"Thank you."

He swiftly and stiffly walked out of the bar, feeling everyones eyes on him. The door closed behind him, he stood still and stared at the ground. His throat felt tight and his body felt heavy. He looked ahead, noticing a couple walking towards him. He stepped away from the door and walked away from the building. The night had crept up, its cool air feeling refreshing against his skin. He walked along the sidewalk beside the shopping center. He felt sluggish and knew that at the rate he was going he would make it home much later than he had hoped to. He dragged his feet and looked at the road. He had hoped he would catch the bus. He sighed and continued to walk home as the night grew larger. *click* *clatter* He unlocked his front door and tripped inside. He pressed his forehead to the door as he shut it slowly, his body relieved as it was just about to give.

_I made it.._

He took his shoes off clumsily and tossed his bag beside the step. He shuffled into the kitchen, his hands wandering the wall before finding the light switch and flipping it on. He closed his eyes and inhaled, stretching his arms above his head. He exhaled, lowering his arms and pressing his hands to his back, bending his spine inward.

_I should eat something.._

He walked to the fridge and opened it to his eyes pleasure of two ready onigiri waiting to be consumed. He thanked himself for buying such a simple and great thing. He grabbed one of the two and opened it quickly, placing it in his mouth and taking a slow bite.

_Oh.. Such a wonderful thing._

He closed the fridge and sat down at his table, finishing the rest of it and feeling comforted. He licked his fingers of the sticky rice and looked down at the empty wrapping on the table.

_I wonder.. If he likes something like this._

He paused a moment at the thought of him. He fimbled with the wrapper and looked at the clock on the wall beside him. It was ten past eleven. He pushed his chair back and stepped away from the table. He grabbed the plastic wrapping and tossed it in his recycling bin then switched off the kitchen light. He slid is feet across the floor, his too-tired-to-lift legs unsteadily taking him to his room. He slid open the door and stepped inside, closing it behind him with a quiet *clack*. He grabbed his phone out of his pants pocket and placed it on his nightstand along with his glasses. He then threw himself on his bed. He groaned into his pillow. He turned onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. Even though he felt so exhausted, he also felt a little restless. He watched his ceiling fan spin, making his eyes feel dizzy. He shut his eyes tight and listened to the quiet background noises coming from his carelessly open window. He turned onto his left side and looked at the sky peaking out from behind his sheer, white curtains. There was no wind that night, the air felt very still, too still for Shion to feel at ease. He continued to stare out his open window. His left arm under his neck comfortably and his right fimbling with one of his buttons on his shirt.

_"Here, let me help you.."_

His eyes widened as Tanaka's words passed through his mind. He shut his eyes and bent his knees in.

_"It's okay Shion..."_

He shuddered and unbuttoned his shirt. His mind showing images of a muscular chest and replaying the sound of panting in his ears. He furrowed his brow and swallowed as his jaw clenched and body tensed. He opened his eyes, remembering those soft, hazel eyes and the way they looked as they shamelessly stared at his naked body. His eyes flickered, his lower back beginning to ache from remembering what had happened next.

_That was.. the first time.._

He covered his eyes with his hand.

 

"I'm in love you."

That was what Tanaka said to him as they sat in a ramen shop one rainy spring day after work. Shion ceased his noodle slurping and looked across to him. Tanaka's expression looked nervous, his cheeks looked pink. He looked back down at his bowl and finished slurping down the noodles between his chopsticks. He placed his utensils down neatly and looked back into his waiting gaze. He smiled and tucked his hair behind his ear, delaying his response.

"I appreciate your feelings Tanaka-san.."

Tanaka looked down at Shion's hesitating lips. He parted his mouth as he paused a moment to think of the right thing to say.

"I didn't know you felt so strongly for me.. I.. I'm sorry, I'm unable to feel the same way.. I.."

_"Reunion will come, Shion."_

He paused as he remembered that promise made to him.

"But your heart is elsewhere, right?"

Tanaka smiled softly and picked up his chopsticks. He had figured. Shion laughed a little and grabbed the fabric of his old, brown jacket covering his arm.

"... I'd like to keep our relationship where it is. Thank you for all the help you've given me.. I'm grateful for having you by my side."

He spoke only half of the truth.

"I understand.. Sorry for saying that so suddenly.."

Tanaka's nervous expression had changed. He lifted some noodles up to his lips and took it in his mouth with a slurp.

 

"When you're incompatible, you can't live together."

Nezumi said these words to him as they stood atop the mountain looking over the remaining city. The sky was cerulean.

"... I'm a drifter; you're stationary. That's what it boils down to."

Shion frowned.

"Don't go, Nezumi. I want to be by your side. I want you to be by my side. That's all I wish for."

His throat tightened, he pulled his knees into his chest.

"Nezumi, the world means nothing to me without you. Nothing."

That set of silver eyes were right in front of him.

"Won't you listen, my stubborn child? Act your age."

He said in a woman's voice, softened with laughter.

"Nezumi, I'm serious-"

Their lips overlapped. It was a searing, but gentle, passionate kiss.

Shion touched his fingertips to his lips.

_Not a goodbye kiss.. But a vow.._

"Reunion will come, Shion."

That was what he said, just before he walked away, not turning around once as he left.

 

He closed his eyes and turned on his back. He felt uncomfortable still. His left hand slid down to his belt, movements slow. He unlatched it and slipped it off with his right hand. The clanking of the buckle sounding through the quiet room. He sat up and pulled his pants down, bending his knees to yank them off completely. He took off his shirt and laid back down, his whole body exposed save for his grey briefs. He turned onto his side, he still felt a little dizzy. It felt warm in the room. He stared at the open window, the curtains limp and covering the scene of the partly starry night sky.

_I wonder where you are right now._

He continued to think about the person who haunted his mind.

 

"Over here, come on."

Nezumi grabbed Shion's arm and forced him to stand. He slid his hand around his waist.

 

Shion blushed and slid his hand over his hip as the old memory played in his mind again. The sensation of Nezumi's hands confidently holding his waist and hand, the small space between their bodies, coming back to him in feral waves. He remembered the lighthearted tuned that slipped from his lips as he lead him in a dance. Without words, he lent his body to Nezumi's movements. The hand holding onto his felt warm and reassuring. The same hand that held his face gently and brushed his hair behind his ear. The hands that gave him strength. He wanted to hold that hand again. Their rough palms and delicate looking fingertips that held a blade elegantly like it was an extension of himself. Pinning him down with overwhelming strength and pressing him into the floor with his body. Such strength that showed mercy and allowed him to accompany, lending him the strength to protect him in return. He imagined those hands holding him close, caressing him gently. His body felt warm. His hand slid over his stomach. Those silver eyes were looking at him as the feeling of his hands warmed the surface of his skin. The hairs on his arms stood up as chills flushed over his body. He shivered at the thought of such warmth. He pressed his thighs together, his lower body beginning to crave touch as well. He licked his lips. He yearned to be held and touched by him. He felt disturbed in remembrance of himself being handled so familiarly by someone other than him.

_I only want your touch._

He longed to feel again just how he felt being by his side. The security, the serenity, the difficult-to-describe emotion that flooded him when he'd think about just how much he desired to stay by his side. He felt the waves of pressure rise.

_I want you here with me.. Nezumi.. I want to be held by you. I want to know that you're really here with me._

With closed, dreaming eyes, he turned onto his back. His imagination taking over, his hands moved on their own over his body. He imagined the safe, warmth of those hands touching his skin. He slid his right palm down his stomach and over the outline of his member and down his inner thigh. A trembling exhale slipped past his lips. He moved his hand upward and rubbed himself slowly. He covered his mouth and turned onto his side, he didnt bother to open his eyes to look out the window again. His body tensed, and grew more sensitive to the touch. His hand, seeming to act on its own, pulled down his underwear and exposed himself completely. His hand instinctively took hold of his growing erection. He held it gently and remembered Nezumi's gentle touch. He trembled.

_Nezumi._

His left hand slid down from his mouth to his chest. In his mind, he imagined Nezumi holding him from behind, his hands caressing his chest and stomach. Tracing the scar that coiled around his body, what Nezumi had called, "charming". Remembering how he'd trace its surface lovingly, with admiration for it's meaning. Shion ran his left hand over his chest, his fingers meeting his nipple. His right hand stroked himself slowly.

_Nezumi.. How would you touch me..?_

He sucked on his bottom lip and bent his back. His hand moved a little faster.

_Would you treat me gently..?_

"Mmn.."

_Would you be rough with me..?_

"Ah.."

Shion pictured Nezumi's body over his. The thought of him seeing him in this way made him twitch.

_Touch me.. I want to feel you._

His fingertips touched his right nipple, rubbing it softly and then pinching lightly. He hummed, his grasp on himself tightened.

_Touch me more.._

He stroked himself quicker and harder. He panted steamily, his body emanating heat.

_The way my body reacts.. In thought of you.._

He moaned softly.

_I only want you.. Nezumi._

He imagined him pressing his skin against his. He began to drip. His hair stuck to his heated face. He gaped his mouth and furrowed his brow. He wouldn't deny it any longer. He felt so frustrated Nezumi had left him. He had pent up his feelings and enclosed himself entirely in a shell. He never spoke of Nezumi, afraid of the composure he had built up, crumbling down and taking him with it. Frightened of not being the stable and capable man Nezumi relied on him to be for the sake of the city. He shoved his inner frustrations down and displayed a strong smile. He gave everything his all. Shion's eyes began to fill with tears.

"Ah.. Hah.."

Shion's body tensed, his mind fantasied Nezumi touching his body, making him tremble and fidget.

_Let everything out._

He turned his face deeper into his pillow and moved his hand as fast as he could manage. He panted and tightened his grip. His body jolted, his toes curled.

"Ah..! Ahmm..!!"

His left hand reached for his mouth and covered it as sweet sounds slipped out. He huffed and shivered; his cum laced his chest and bed sheet. He exhaled through his nose and slowly moved his hands away from his body. He inhaled then opened his heavy eyes and looked down at himself. He shakily breathed out. A hot tear slipped down the side of his face and soaked into his pillow; he felt empty.

 

\--------------------------------------

 

   
Shion woke up to the sound of his phone ringing, just before his six o'clock alarm. Early morning birds chirped an uplifting tune. He lazily turned his face away from the light outside his window and reached for his phone on his nightstand. His blurry,  sensitive-to-the-light eyes couldn't tell who it was calling. He flipped it open and answered the call. He rubbed his eyes and exhaled through his nose, delaying himself.

"Hello?"

He said with a raspy morning voice. He cleared his throat and brushed his messy hair out of his face. He listened for a response, he had figured it was his mother.

"Good morning."

A deep voice greeted. Shion's eyes widened, he wasn't expecting to hear such a low voice. He sat up, now fully awake. He knew that voice.

"G-good morning, Tanaka-san.."

Shion awkwardly said. He reached for his glasses on his nightstand and put them on.

"I'm sorry I didn't return your call yesterday.."

Tanaka talked slow, he sounded upset.

"I had turned my phone off after leaving work early yesterday."

He knew Shion had called, he just couldn't find the courage to call him back. Shion waved his hand instinctively.

"Ah, no, it's alright.."

There was a pause.

"What did you want to say to me?"

Shion's heart thumped at those words. He looked down at his lap and hesitated. What was it he wanted to say?

"I.. That.."

He didn't really know. He sighed at his terrible memory and decided he wanted to give a subtle identification of his concern.

"..I.. wanted to know if you'd like to talk over a meal after work today.. My treat.."

Shion frowned at the words that came out of his mouth. He couldn't say what he really wanted to say over the phone. There was another pause.

"That sounds okay to me.."

His voice sounded drained. *beep beep beep beep* Shion's morning alarm began to sound, startling him.

"A-ah! Alright then.."

He reached over and shut it off with a click.

"Sorry, for calling you so early in the morning."

"Eh? Ah, no, it's okay."

He said and frowned a little at the weak response he had.

"Thanks for calling, otherwise I probably would have been late coming into work again today."

He chuckled awkwardly. There was a moment of silence on both ends.

"Are you alright? Shion."

He froze. He closed his eyes and frowned. He began to dread hearing that question.

"I'm.. I'm okay.. I'm just tired.. I stayed up a bit late last night."

"I'd like to know what you have on your mind."

Tanaka replied honestly. Shion swallowed and parted his lips.

"That.. I'd feel more comfortable if we talked about that later after work.. I should start getting ready to leave.."

Shion opened his eyes and looked out his window. Tanaka stood in his doorway. He rubbed the back of his neck. He felt he had broken Shion's spirit.

"Shion-"

He began.

"Thank you for caring about me. I'll see you at work.. so, good bye.. for now."

Shion said kindly, cutting him off. Tanaka paused a moment before opening his mouth to speak again.

"Okay, Shion.. I'll see you, bye."

Shion's chest tightened as he hung up the phone. He flipped it closed and dropped it in his lap. He placed his head in his hands.

_I.. I feel so nervous.. What do I say..?_

He thought to himself. He looked around his untidy room and then to his clock.

_I've got to get ready. I have to be there in an hour._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ε-(´・｀) Thank you for reading!  
> This second part took a bit of time to officially complete, sorry for the wait. I didn't want to miss anything that I felt in my heart was important to include.. There was more to this but I decided to cut it here.. ~suspenseful music~ root for this pure human.  
> I'm rising for a powerful climax.. hold on.  
> Let me know what you think of this so far. I'm hungry for feedback.
> 
> I quoted the flashbacks with Nezumi from here.  
> http://9th-ave.blogspot.com/2012/11/novel-no-6-vol-9-ch-4-c.html


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> Thank you for reading!  
> I know it has been quite a while since the last chapter's release. So sorry for the delay! I made some edits to the previous chapters, so if you'd like you can re-read those two and then read this one! It may help the mood sink in.  
> Once again, thank you for reading! 
> 
> Leave me some feedback! 
> 
> Here you go.
> 
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Thank you very much. The city appreciates all your efforts. We look forward to putting your ideas into action."

The business man said to Shion and bowed to him. Shion peered at him through his glasses, sitting in his chair at his desk. He put his hands on the armrests and pushed himself up to stand. He smiled kindly and placed his hands to his sides as he gave a short bow to the man standing in front of his desk. He looked him in the eye.

"It's my pleasure, thank you for allowing my help. I will continue to do my best for the well-being of the city."

Shion said courteously. The man's face looked slightly surprised. He swallowed at the end of Shion's words then reached his hand out to him as soon as he rose back up. Shion looked down at his hand and back at the man's face, he looked nervous. Shion had noticed that this was a different man than who they usually do business with. He adjusted his glasses and then reached for his hand and shook it, nodding his head to him with a smirk. The man nodded his head to him and smiled with awe in his eyes. Their hands released and the man briskly walked out of the office. Tanaka stood by the doorway, bowing to the man as he exited. He turned to Shion, who's eyes had been resting on him. Shion exhaled with relief and smiled with some satisfaction. Tanaka straightened his posture and adjusted his tie. He smiled and closed his eyes, sighing with relief. Shion sat back down in his chair, it's hinges squeaking softly under his weight. 

"Yoshi."

Tanaka said as he looked at the faces of everyone at their desks in the large office room.

"Great job everyone. Now, let's discuss what more we can do to lessen the amount of pollutant emission."

Shion's eyes quickly lit up from the reminder. He reached into his satchel and pulled out a blue folder.

"Ah yes, I have already gathered information on solutions."

He announced, raising a blue folder up beside his head. Tanaka gazed over at him and smirked.

"Of course, this is a matter you wanted to bring up after all."

He waved him over.

"Let's hear it, boss."

Tanaka said with interest. Shion smirked at being titled as their boss, he didn't feel very much like the leader of the group after he had requested Tanaka to speak for him so the reassurance felt nice. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear and cleared his throat as he walked over. He faced the white board on the wall and then glanced up to Tanaka standing beside him. Tanaka looked back into Shion's eyes and nodded to him then took a seat at the open chair across from him. Shion wiped the board clean and then neatly wrote at the top 'solar power'. He turned around to face the office, his long white hair flowing to his movement. He had pieces of his hair tied back, his ears visible and a little pink. He capped the marker in his hand and exhaled before he spoke.

"Okay guys, as we all know we are already using solar energy storage units for power as well as biomass fuel for some of our bigger engines. We plant where we harvest and we have taken action in reforestation and improved our soils on a great scale. Even though we take great care here, it is simply not enough for the planet. So, we must plan to work with the other cities to limit emission from machinery around the world. We should be concerning ourselves with the conditions in the other 5 cities around the world. We must all unite to take proper care of this world, for we are the ones who brought it to this state in the first place."

Shion paused at the end of his words, his colleagues stared at him in silence.

"I couldn't agree more."

Megumi spoke up with a supportive smile. Tanaka nodded his head and hummed in agreement. 

"So.. The city No. 4 is planning to build in another bullet train connecting them to No. 1. Just how much of that environmentally toxic gas would be emitted into the atmosphere by the time it's finished? Millions.. quite possibly billions of metric tons..  Now, we can do something to lessen this and maybe even stop it completely."

~

The discussion began and closed.

~

"It's decided. I will meet with the head of No. 4."

Tanaka rose at the end of Shion's words.

"There's no guarantee they will go along with this idea, each city isn't lead the same. You have rebuilt No. 6 into an environmentally friendly place.. Encouraging the other cities into the same motion might be difficult...so, I'll go with you for support."

Shion looked Tanaka in the eye.

"That's.."

_I . . . I believe I will need his help for this . . . If I can't accomplish a better world, I want him to in my place._

_He knows what to do, I can rely on him to do good for the future . . . He's my partner in this after all._

"Yeah, yes, you may be right about that. I will need your help. Thank you."

Shion raised his shoulders slightly and smiled. He swallowed down the idea of his absence. Tanaka searched Shion's eyes for a moment before he too smiled. He placed his palm on his hip.

"Yoshi."

He turned to the office. 

"Megumi!"

"Y-Yes!"

Megumi jumped suddenly to his calling. She blushed.

"I want you to get a hold of the representative of No. 4 and transfer them to me."

Tanaka ordered with a deep, low voice.

"I'm on it."

She flipped open her laptop quickly and began typing. Shion watched Tanaka as he waited and stared at her. She picked up her desk phone and began dialing. She placed it to her ear and adjusted her glasses. Her eyes looked over to Tanaka then turned away when she noticed him watching. Her face got pinker. She raised her head when she heard a noise from the other end. Tanaka looked to Shion. His stomach jumped. He smirked at him and then placed his hand on his phone atop his desk. Megumi's soft voice spoke in the background. Shion stood motionless. The air was filled with anticipation. The solar powered office fans turned slowly, vibrating and blowing warm morning air. Two windows were open, displaying the bright blue sky. Corners of papers raised up, making a small crinkling noise. The phone rang suddenly.

"Ah."

Shion shifted his foot back at the phone's ringing, Tanaka swiftly answered it.

"Hello, this is No. 6's environmental research team's spokesman, Hashira Tanaka."

He glanced at Shion and listened to the voice on the other end of the line. He looked to his feet and nodded.

"Yes, now, there is a matter in which our leader wishes to discuss with your leader and council.."

Shion clasped his hands together, noticing the sweat on his palms. He felt anxious not knowing what was being said on the other side of the line. Shion's expression remained serious as he watched Tanaka. They made eye contact.

"Ah Yes, that is him ..."

_I assume they already know who I am._

_And what I had done_

Tanaka looked down and straighted his posture, placing his hand on his hip.

"Well, to sum it up.. it is a vital change intended to bring about a healthier living situation on this planet. ..."

_Well said._

He looked back at Shion and gave him a smile.

_He has confidence._

"Yes. That's correct. ... Ah, I understand he must have a busy schedule but this is really quite important- oh.. ah- yes I'll hold."

The other end of the line went silent and Tanaka released a short sigh. Shion soon felt anxious in the still pause of awaiting approval. His face started to express his worry. The brunette woman in the back tapped her fingernails on her desk as the moment of wait stretched for over 3 minutes. Shion sighed and tiredly seated himself at the nearest chair aside Tanaka.

_What if they end up refusing?_

"Hello? Yes I'm still here."

Tanaka straightened his relaxed posture.

"Oh I see, Tuesday at 12pm is when he is available for a meeting?"

Tanaka raised his eyebrows and gave Shion a look questioning approval. Shion twitched, snapping himself out of the short daze he fell into. He gave Tanaka a quick nod.

_Next week.._

"Yes thank you very much, right, thank you, you as well. Good bye."

He hung up the phone.

_I hope I can make it.._

  
\-----------------------------------  
  
  
The sky became eerily cloudy. The wind had picked up. The office was nearly empty. Shion and Megumi were still sitting at their desks. Shion's desk was in the far back, his distance giving him a sort of comfort. His chair faced his widely opened window. His glasses were off and placed on the desk. He stared at the sky, his vision a little blurry. Megumi typed on her laptop, the light from its screen reflected on her glasses. The room had gotten darker as the sky did. She glanced up at the door across from her, her typing slowing down to a stop. Tanaka had left the room a while ago to the file room. She rubbed her eyes tiredly and yawned. The room was quiet. She looked over to Shion, seeing as he seemed to be caught in a daydream once again. She wasn't sure. She found him mysterious, in his way, how his behavior in front of people was so different compared to how he wass in moments like this. She wondered about him.

"Um... Shion-san"

Shion gave her a side glance.

"Yes"

"I'm taking my leave."

She collected her things and pushed in her chair. He was silent for a moment. She kept her eyes on him.

"Yes, thank you for coming in today, good work. Please take care on your way home."

He spoke as if he were programed, speaking monotonously. He silently sat in his chair while the clouds moved very slowly over the calm city. His eyes watched, while his mind struggled to be at peace along with the beautiful scene before him.

She walked towards the door but paused before exiting. She looked back to Shion at his desk. He was so silent, she started to wonder if he was really okay. 

"Uh-Um..."

". . ."

"Shion-san."

He raised his head a little at her calling. He hummed in question. Megumi's hands held onto the strap of her satchel. She didn't want to say the wrong thing. She looked back at the door and then to Shion again. She took steps back into the office and closer to his desk.

"What is it Megumi?"

"Um, well..."

She stared at the side his face, only illuminated by the sky outside. The room suddenly felt darker to her. He felt far away. But why? She wondered. She looked at him with worry on her face. She straightened her posture and encouraged herself. She wanted to encourage him.

"I just wanted to... I want to tell you that... you, you have done amazing things for this city, you have created opportunities for hundreds of people; who have lived outside of the walls as well as within."

Shion picked up his glasses and put them back on. She had his full attention. 

"You've made our home better for all of us.. your efforts of uniting us is inspiring... I-I really look up to you a-and I just want to say! Thank you for everything!"

She bowed low to him.

"I will continue to support you!"

Shion turned his head to look at her. She remained bowing to him. It was silent for a moment. Shion wiped his cheek and his eyes. He smiled to himself.

"Megumi."

She raised herself and looked at him, her heart jumped when she noticed him looking back at her.

"Thank you."

Shion gave her a gentle smile. He could see the worry in her face, and he understood why she was saying this. He really appreciated having her on his team. 

"I feel like I needed to hear that."

_She depends on me. This city depends on me... I cant let them down. I must give it my all._

"Yes . . . uh, um . . ."

Shion nodded his head. She almost felt like she couldn't look away from him. He looked at her with interest. She blinked and felt a little rude for staring for so long. She looked down to her feet.

"I'll be taking my leave now!"

Shion nodded and his eyes returned to the scene beyond the window.

"Yes, thank you. Please take care on your way home."

With that said, Megumi briskly walked towards the door. Tanaka stepped through it and entered the room before she exited. He looked to her and she raised her head as she noticed him as well. Her brown eyes lit up at the sight of him. 

"Good work today, Megumi."

Her cheeks tinted pink. He gave her a kind smile as she came closer. 

"Y-yes! I mean, thank you! Ah- Um! Good night!"

She quickly escaped the room in a fluster. Tanaka watched her exit. Her long emerald hair flowed behind her. His head turned away and his eyes looked to the back of the room where Shion sat at his desk. He was silent, looking out the window aside his desk; knowing Tanaka had entered the room.

A cool breeze entered and chilled his skin. Shion inhaled and closed his eyes for a moment. He exhaled and placed his hands on the arms of the chair and pushed himself up to stand.

_Time to go._

He turned to his desk and collected his things into his satchel. Tanaka stood there by the door, watching him. Shion pushed in his chair and placed his bag on his desk.

"You ready to go?"  
  
Shion asked as he reached up the window to pull it down to a close. Tanaka placed his palm to his neck and scratched the back of it.

"Yeah, the usual place?"

Shion continued to try and budge the window to slide down. He sighed to himself and tried using more strength in his effort. It barely budged.

"Um, yeah.."

_Damn, this window is stubborn._

Tanaka could see that he was struggling with closing the window. He started to walk over.

"Do you need some help with that?"

Shion frowned and continued to push, pull, and tug at it stubbornly.

"N-no, I've got this. I think I just need to wiggle it."

Shion tried just that and it dropped down an inch and became stuck again. He sighed and wiped his forehead of the sweat from the effort. Tanaka reached over Shion and placed his hands next to his. Shion pulled them away and watched Tanaka's hands pull down the window to a close. He bit his lip and nodded.

_Well . . . that says a lot about my strength._

Tanaka released a short sigh and looked down to see Shion's face through his reflection in the glass window. Shion looked at his own reflection and saw the bags under his eyes. He looked down to his hands.

_My strength . . ._

It was then he realized just how close Tanaka was to him. He slowly turned around and looked up at Tanaka. Their eyes met. 

"Um.."

Tanaka looked at Shion. He felt his heart jump up his throat.

"Thank you... for your help."

Shion responded in a low voice, his eyes looking glossy and his tone, defeated. Tanaka frowned at Shion's noticeable melancholy. He too, realized how close they were to each other. He took a step back and searched Shion's face. Shion gave him a smile and looked away. He grabbed his satchel from atop his desk and swung the strap over his shoulder.  
  
"... Yeah ... um, Shion?"

Shion looked at him with questioning eyes. Tanaka put his hand to his neck and tilted his head. He felt unsure, but he wanted to know. He didn't want Shion to look so sad.

"... I can tell you're sad. Is it.. is it because of me? Is it because of what I-"

"Tanaka.."  
  
Shion didn't want him to finish what he was going to say. He knew that what had happened between them had brought his deeper feelings to the surface. Shion knew that Tanaka didn't intend to stir the sleeping pain in his heart. Truthfully, he wanted to keep it all hidden away longer for however much longer he had to wait for. 

 _If it weren't for Him._  
  
"I... No, It's not your fault I'm this way."

Shion clarified looking straight at him, his hands were relaxed and at his sides. 

 _If it weren't for Him I . . . I would be happier._  
  
Tanaka felt he needed more than that. Tanaka took a step towards him. Shion stood still, keeping his calm. Tanaka's tall figure towered over him, Shion looked up into his eyes.

 _I would be happier . . . and . . . I could return Tanaka's feelings._  
  
"Shion, please.. tell me why it is you are so sad?"

_I wouldn't have gotten messed up. I wouldn't have felt wrong with Tanaka._

_I wouldn't have made Tanaka struggle so much . . . because of my feelings for Him._  
  
Shion swallowed, knowing Tanaka could easily see how he was feeling made him feel insecure.  
  
_Where has my confidence gone?_  
  
His eyes began to fill up with warm tears. He didn't know why it had become so hard for him to respond. He looked down to his feet, feeling a weight on his chest. He closed his eyes and bit the tip of his tongue before he spoke.

 _The reason I am the way I am.._  
  
"... There's.. Someone important to me.. Who's memory I had tried to keep hidden from my mind.. But now, I'm.. I'm unable to stop remembering them."  
  
Shion tried not to choke on his words as they spilled out of his mouth. Tanaka listened. Shion shut his eyes, he exhaled in relief at getting those words out. He opened his eyes again and raised his gaze, focusing on Tanaka's tie. Tanaka patiently waited for Shion to gather himself. After a moment, Shion lifted his face and looked Tanaka in the eyes. The brilliant color of his eyes was dull and Tanaka could clearly see his emotional distress. 

"It's a long story."

Shion said simply with a weak smile. Still trying to appear strong. Tanaka's gaze softened. He patted Shion's shoulder with little strength. 

"I've got the time."

He smiled down at him, wanting to help Shion feel comfortable. He gave his shoulder a squeeze then stepped away. Shion blinked and hesitated to speak. Tanaka decided to let him breathe.

"Let's talk over that meal you promised me. I'm feeling like steak."

Tanaka turned and waved him over as he took slow steps for the door. Shion sighed, the air felt a lot lighter suddenly. Shion found that Tanaka always had a knack for changing the atmosphere.  
  
  
\-------------------------------  



End file.
